Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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