Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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