i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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