Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
