My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
