Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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