Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
