meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
