So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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