I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
