I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
