is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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