did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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