i think my mom watched the whole time
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
