Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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