Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
