I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
