My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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