i think i have two assholes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
