Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
