I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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