so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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