In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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