I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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