He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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