Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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