I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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