I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
