i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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