Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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