I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
