You smell like stripper and shame
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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