if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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