***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
