i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
