Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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