Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
