im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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