Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
