You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
