Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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