Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
