Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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