Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
