there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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