we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
