That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
