1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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