I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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