Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
