things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
