My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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