That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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