There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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