Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Success! We fucked roommates!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
