Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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