I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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