You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
