i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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