I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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