were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
