i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
