return my video game
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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