how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
