I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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