We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
