Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
