obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize