i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
