There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
