never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
