if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry about my life...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
