I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize