yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
