The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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