I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
